I’m a Batman fan boy, I might not be as intense as some of the other fan boys out there but I do own and sometimes wear themed clothing so were talking real deal here...
I can, from the POV of a loyal Batman fan, tell people why Batman Returns is one of the worst comic book movies ever made and no… it’s not worse than Batman & Robin but it’s not far off.
Batman Returns for some strange reason has been on TV a lot recently, and being the fan boy that I am I’ve watched it a few times, I don’t really like it but it’s the small gems that ARE in the movie that make it at least tolerable, although I am close to switching the abomination off most of the time.
So, I will explain why in my opinion this film is awful and why I now just can’t stand Tim Burton’s movies. I won’t just trash it; I will highlight the parts that make it watchable in my opinion, the saving graces if you like…
These are in no particular order.
The Bad
1. Batman kills people and smiles about it.
Tim Burton has always admitted that he didn’t have a lot of time for the Batman comics, and when it comes to Batman’s combat and attitudes towards death in BOTH his movies you can see that plain as day. Batman doesn’t kill people, it’s his ONLY RULE. The Nolan’s used this and it done wonders for the characterisation of Wayne/Batman in their movies. The examples that really annoy me in Returns are when Batman throws a bomb at a gang member, I mean Christ?! It’s only made worse by the big fat grin on his face as the thug realises and is shoved into a sewer to explode. He also sets another member of the Red Circus gang on fire using the Bat mobile, he means to do this, he wants to do this, it’s so un-batman-like its untrue and shows a complete lack of respect for the character.
It’s just not Batman, it’s not the action of a “hero” out avenging the DEATH of his parents to go and kill the scum he vowed to defeat to prevent similar crimes from happening.
It’s there to see in Batman (89) too, it makes me cringe when you see him throw a guy off the top floor of a f*cking bell tower to his death, not to mention the way its implied that Batman drops Napier into the chemicals on purpose (thats how I saw it anyway) but I’m talking about Returns here not 89.
Not to defend Burton but Batman in the 30’s and early 40’s did kill people, in fact he has hung guys from his plane, used machine guns and beaten people to death, even had a few puns for them too. It wasn’t until his character and back-story was further established that the whole no-killing rule came into place, but Burton didn’t cite the early comics for his murderous Batman, in fact he barely used the comics at all for his characterization of Batman.
2. The Penguin
The Penguin in the comics is a savvy, clever business man who is always found wearing a Tux, who utters some odd noises and has a nose that resembles a Penguin; therefore he was teased as a child and branded… The Penguin. Tim Burton thought that was too normal so he decided to make his adaptation of the Penguin… an actual mutated Penguin humanoid, dumped into the sewers by his ashamed parents (seriously is it implied that the mum f*cked a Penguin?! how else does that mutation happen?!) and left to die, only to be saved… by a bunch of bloody penguins, who I assume taught him how to be… a Penguin.
Danny Devito was a great casting choice for the role, as a Penguin humanoid he does a fun job but this abomination IS NOT THE PENGUIN. Worse still is how he is portrayed as sex starved, pervert, especially during the interactions between him and Catwoman but I’ll get to that.
It’s clear that Burton or someone else split the Penguin into two characters as Walken’s Max Shreck is a savvy evil businessman after power and Devito’s... thing is a person who looks and acts like an actual Penguin. How Shreck manipulates The Penguin is also embarrassing, the scene when he lures him with a piece of fish makes me want to kick my TV in every time, not to mention the way he eats it and then bites that dudes nose after touching up that woman’s boobs. That whole scene to me is enough evidence that the Penguins character was a joke.
The actual style of Burtons Penguin is interesting but just too much, he looks like a monster, he’s skin is a shade of grey and he looks like he gets no sleep. He is so rounded and bulbous that they made a rather round fellow such as Devito wear a f*cking fat suit. The Gothic, Victorian looking Tux he wears for about 45 minutes of the film is rather good I thought but he should be wearing it for the whole film, the other 90 minutes of the film he’s wearing a pair of f*cking white stained pyjamas!
Oh and the green blood/goo coming out of his mouth at the end, is he really supposed to be a mutant? Because it sure looks like they want you to think that, what with his f*cking flipper hands and green blood whilst emerging from the water, it's like the reveal shot from a 50's B-Movie... The Monster from the Green Lagoon.
3. “Just the Pussy I’m looking for!”
Words don’t describe how much this one line infuriates me, not only is it completely out of character it’s just plain wrong. Don’t get me wrong, the more adult orientated themes in Burtons films are good, comic books haven’t been aimed at Children since the success of Frank Millers The Dark Knight Returns and Watchmen in the 80’s but lines like this are just plain stupid.
4. Max Shreck
Now this could be both good and bad, because Christopher Walken is a great actor who plays the part well, he doesn’t change up his normal acting style but that’s Walken for you. My gripe with Shreck is they split the Pengiuns character, they went with the mutated penguin man with Devito and put all the savvy evil businessman in Shreck, they also needed someone to aid in their new “origin” for Catwoman but that’s the next point.
Shreck is ok, he has some good scenes and some good lines but he could easily have just been put into the Penguin to make him more interesting and true to the character.
Also, pointing to the plot, why would Shreck put all his effort into getting an ugly little fat bloke the new Mayor of Gotham, I can understand the whole sympathetic vote and the whole press thing with him rescuing the baby in the sewer but did Burton really think that was a good plot point? Or was it just enough to get us to the next part of the “story”.
5. Catwoman’s Origin and Demise
Let’s get one thing straight right away, I LOVE Michelle Pfeiffer’s Catwoman, she is nothing short of awesome and easily my favourite part of the movie. However, there are still some glaring problems, her origin is somewhat f*cked up and doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.
Selina Kyle is a ditsy personal assistant to Shreck, who finds out some dodgy info that could destroy him, so he throws her out of a very, VERY high window, she survives and is then shown to be resurrected by 20 ally cats, who took time out of their busy screwing and fighting agenda to help a dying woman with their death defying powers. She then proceeds to stagger home, to her tragic, single woman’s apartment where she drinks milk in an odd way and makes her new awesome costume. The whole transformation scene is so dark and tragic, it’s a good scene but in a Batman movie? Christ, it’s something you would see in an uncomfortable tragedy. The music, the wailing, the destroying of her previous life, it’s all so sad.
Why did they need to have Kyle pretty much killed and then brought back to life with cat-power to make her the confident jewel thief that we all love in the comics? And why does she decide to go rob stuff instead of getting revenge on Shreck straight away? What’s her goal? What’s her purpose in the film apart from adding sex appeal, a sorta’ love interest for Bruce and giving Burton yet another tragic story for one of his characters?
The scene with Penguin is also complete bollocks, not only are we subjected to constant sexual puns involving the word "pussy" and lube we also have to watch her “clean herself” like a cat and then attempt to eat a f*cking bird… Tim, Catwoman is called that because she’s a cat burglar, why can’t you understand that she doesn’t need to be a f*cking cat?! and The Penguin doesn’t need f*cking flippers?! ARRRGGHHHHH.
Her demise is somewhat uncomfortable. It fits perfectly into Burtons twisted Gotham and it mirrors her origin somewhat but its too odd and out of character, then again Burtons Catwoman is a mentally unhinged but newly confident jewel thief / terrorist / eater of canaries so anything is game I suppose. Watching her lose the rest of her cat-lives is a powerful and it ends with a big bang but it’s too sad and dark, these films should end with heroics not tragedy and sadness.
6. The Plot (or lack there of)
What is the plot of Returns? We start off with Penguin wanting respect, Shreck wanting power and using Penguin (for some strange reason) to gain that power through sympathy, then Penguin doesn’t want to be mayor, then wants to kill Batman, then he decides he wants to be Moses and kill the first born sons of Gotham because he’s parents didn’t want a mutant baby, intertwined with Catwoman stealing stuff and blackmailing Shreck instead of murdering the bastard.
It’s all so bitty, Shreck goes missing after the botched Mayoral attempt and then is shoehorned into the end as Penguin seeks revenge and so we can have the Catwoman reveal and an end to their story whilst Bruce just stands around in Penguins lair. It’s a Batman movie, why isn’t he the centre of attention.
What is Batman part in all this? Not much, he barely has much story except for he is the guy who’s suspicious of Shreck and Penguin, even trusty old Alfred doesn’t buy into Bruce’s suspicions. Most of the time Batman is just the guy who drops in to add a bit of action, he’s portrayal kinda’ reminds me of Nemesis in the Resident Evil games, when the story needs a bit of action lets drop the Bat in and get pulses going for a bit.
There’s no challenge for Batman, in Batman (89) the Joker was a formidable opponent, in Forever he has two villains who can put up a fight, even in Batman & Robin the villains POSE A THREAT (they do… THEY DO!) but what does the Penguin really do? He tries to kill Batman by bugging his car and has a few machine gun umbrellas, oh and an army of Penguins with rockets.
It’s a Batman film where Batman plays a secondary, probably even tertiary character, he doesn’t drive the plot, he’s just a spectator who drops by to tell the naughty people off every now and then. Returns is style over substance x 100000000.
The Good
1. Cinematography & Atmosphere
If there’s one thing that Burton did well across both of his films is his Gotham, a very old fashioned but modern feel, which sounds as confusing as it looks but it just works. Returns is set at Christmas so Gotham is covered in snow and ice, everything is Black and White and it just looks great and it seems we will have a similar style in The Dark Knight Rises in the Summer.
Another thing I love in Returns and 89 is the use of the Bat Signal, when it shines up in the sky and Keaton’s Wayne immediately reacts, its awesome, it’s Batman and its done to perfection. It’s somewhat cartoony but if I had a gripe with Nolan’s recent films it’s the under-use of the Bat Signal, and even when it’s used it’s just a smudge in the sky.
I can (and do) moan about how its too dark and too tragic but it DOES work in a Batman film, if there is a comic book hero where this theme works its Batman, yes its overdone and yes its too dark and sad at times but Batman films need to have some darkness and mood, that’s where Forever and B&R fell down and its one of Returns defining features, when it doesn’t make you want to cry that is.
2. Michael Keaton
I’ve always thought that Michael Keaton was and is still the best Bruce Wayne. His version of the character is fantastic, the scenes when he is sitting in the chair of his den or the cave and he is thinking things over are done brilliantly and you feel this is a man tormented by his tragic life without his parents.
As Batman Keaton is ok, not great and not exactly bad, he wasn’t given the script to be a real Batman, his performance in Batman 89 was far more action packed and he did a great job, in Returns he is somewhat diluted, there are some decent action sequences and fist fights but as I mentioned before Batman in the backseat for this movie, Keaton did a good job with the tools he was given.
3. Catwoman & Batman (Bruce & Selina)
I’ve always loved how in the comics there is always a massive emotional tension between the Bat and Cat, whether it’s flirting, kissing and nearly forming a real relationship (Hush) or full on crotch grabbing (The Long Halloween) it’s always good interaction.
Their rooftop meetings are good in Returns, Catwomans “meow” followed by the explosion in front of Penguin and Batman is a classic scene, it’s a great scene and probably up there as the best in the film.
What is done well in Returns is Catwomans “is she good or is she bad” character development, when she is Selina and in the presence of Bruce she wants to be good and have a relationship with him but due to her new life as Catwoman she doesn’t feel that’s possible. Of course this is the same with Bruce, same as Batman 89 where he grapples with the thought of a relationship with Vicky Vale and his duty as Batman, both actors give realistic and emotionally confused performances and it helps the film.
The scene in Penguins lair at the end when Bruce rips off his cowl and reveals himself as Batman, after he realises that Selina is Catwoman is a powerful scene, offering her the chance for them both to leave their double lives and start fresh for it to mean nothing, it makes the apparent demise of Catwoman even more tragic (which it didn’t bloody need!)
4. The Ending
I love the ending of Batman Returns, after all the guff in Penguins lair, after all that’s done with and Batman escapes the crumbling ruins and the Penguins have taken their leader off into the sewers to give him... a traditional penguin burial? F*ck knows but when Bruce is being driven by Alfred and he thinks he sees Catwoman in the alleyway, only to find a cat which he takes back to the car with him, Bruce and Alfred exchange Christmas greetings and it’s just... nice!
The music, the cinematography, the acting by Keaton makes his final scene good, even better is the Bat signal going up in the skies of Gotham, Danny Elfmans EPIC tune going full blast and then Catwoman looks up at it in the sky, revealing she survived her electric snog with Shreck and of course leading to the development hell of the Catwoman spin off movie that ended with the abomination that was released with Halle Berry at the helm.
I think that’s enough, this is long enough already but I could probably go on and on, I don’t want to be a moaning fan boy, but that’s exactly what I am and that’s what we do.
It’s only because I am a huge fan of Batman that I get annoyed by the film, it’s common knowledge amongst friends that bringing this film up when out will lead to me lecturing someone on Batman, they don’t want to hear it and I’m getting tired of speaking about it! So lets call this therapy.
Do I own this on DVD? Yes, If I'm channel surfing and its on will I watch? Likely yes. I was too young to see this film at the cinema when it was released, but if it was released in this modern age I probably would have seen it a few times. I suppose that speaks volumes about my fan boyism of all things Batman, hell I saw Batman & Robin 3 times at the cinema, but I blame inexperience and my parents for that...
Batman Returns is a poor film, I don’t rate it much higher than Batman & Robin, I never felt that B&R took itself seriously and I always watched it as a homage to the 60’s television series more than a serious Batman film, I still think that’s pretty obvious.
I suppose it’s a film I love to hate, I don’t want to come across as though I know everything (although I bloody do...) this piece is merely my opinion on why it’s shit. I did try focus on its plus points so at least I'm a fair fanboy.. sort of.
R
