Album of the Year 2011

It’s been a year of disappointment in terms of releases this year. Oh sure, there’s been a few very good albums for well-established artists. Some; who had amazing debuts have also delivered very entertaining follow-ups. Then there are issues with well established artists who have fallen at the peak of their own hype and delivered something disappointing or in some cases, truly horrifying.

I’ve listened to forty-two new albums this year (and depending on your own preferences; this is either mind-blowing or incredibly small). Although I tend to listen to more mainstream alternative artists (Radiohead, Coldplay, Snow Patrol etc), I also listen to obscure Pitchfork favourites (Girls, Fleet Foxes (if you can call them obscure), Driver Drive Faster etc). I even managed to cram some metal and rap (not together…never together) just to immerse myself in different genres in the hopes of finding a true gem amongst a steady pile of boredom.

There have been a large number of albums I consider very good which is reflected on this site for earning an eight out of a possible ten.

Out of all forty-two though, only one gained a nine and thus, is undeniably, my favourite album of the year and that album is…

A look back at a Christmas classic: Batman Returns (1992) and the dreaded question: “Why Burton... WHY?!”

I’m a Batman fan boy, I might not be as intense as some of the other fan boys out there but I do own and sometimes wear themed clothing so were talking real deal here...

I can, from the POV of a loyal Batman fan, tell people why Batman Returns is one of the worst comic book movies ever made and no… it’s not worse than Batman & Robin but it’s not far off.

Batman Returns for some strange reason has been on TV a lot recently, and being the fan boy that I am I’ve watched it a few times, I don’t really like it but it’s the small gems that ARE in the movie that make it at least tolerable, although I am close to switching the abomination off most of the time.

So, I will explain why in my opinion this film is awful and why I now just can’t stand Tim Burton’s movies. I won’t just trash it; I will highlight the parts that make it watchable in my opinion, the saving graces if you like…

These are in no particular order.

The Bad

1.      Batman kills people and smiles about it.

Tim Burton has always admitted that he didn’t have a lot of time for the Batman comics, and when it comes to Batman’s combat and attitudes towards death in BOTH his movies you can see that plain as day. Batman doesn’t kill people, it’s his ONLY RULE. The Nolan’s used this and it done wonders for the characterisation of Wayne/Batman in their movies. The examples that really annoy me in Returns are when Batman throws a bomb at a gang member, I mean Christ?! It’s only made worse by the big fat grin on his face as the thug realises and is shoved into a sewer to explode. He also sets another member of the Red Circus gang on fire using the Bat mobile, he means to do this, he wants to do this, it’s so un-batman-like its untrue and shows a complete lack of respect for the character.

It’s just not Batman, it’s not the action of a “hero” out avenging the DEATH of his parents to go and kill the scum he vowed to defeat to prevent similar crimes from happening.

It’s there to see in Batman (89) too, it makes me cringe when you see him throw a guy off the top floor of a f*cking bell tower to his death, not to mention the way its implied that Batman drops Napier into the chemicals on purpose (thats how I saw it anyway) but I’m talking about Returns here not 89.

Not to defend Burton but Batman in the 30’s and early 40’s did kill people, in fact he has hung guys from his plane, used machine guns and beaten people to death, even had a few puns for them too. It wasn’t until his character and back-story was further established that the whole no-killing rule came into place, but Burton didn’t cite the early comics for his murderous Batman, in fact he barely used the comics at all for his characterization of Batman.

2.      The Penguin 

The Penguin in the comics is a savvy, clever business man who is always found wearing a Tux, who utters some odd noises and has a nose that resembles a Penguin; therefore he was teased as a child and branded… The Penguin. Tim Burton thought that was too normal so he decided to make his adaptation of the Penguin… an actual mutated Penguin humanoid, dumped into the sewers by his ashamed parents (seriously is it implied that the mum f*cked a Penguin?! how else does that mutation happen?!) and left to die, only to be saved… by a bunch of bloody penguins, who I assume taught him how to be… a Penguin.

Danny Devito was a great casting choice for the role, as a Penguin humanoid he does a fun job but this abomination IS NOT THE PENGUIN. Worse still is how he is portrayed as sex starved, pervert, especially during the interactions between him and Catwoman but I’ll get to that.

It’s clear that Burton or someone else split the Penguin into two characters as Walken’s Max Shreck is a savvy evil businessman after power and Devito’s... thing is a person who looks and acts like an actual Penguin. How Shreck manipulates The Penguin is also embarrassing, the scene when he lures him with a piece of fish makes me want to kick my TV in every time, not to mention the way he eats it and then bites that dudes nose after touching up that woman’s boobs. That whole scene to me is enough evidence that the Penguins character was a joke.

The actual style of Burtons Penguin is interesting but just too much, he looks like a monster, he’s skin is a shade of grey and he looks like he gets no sleep. He is so rounded and bulbous that they made a rather round fellow such as Devito wear a f*cking fat suit. The Gothic, Victorian looking Tux he wears for about 45 minutes of the film is rather good I thought but he should be wearing it for the whole film, the other 90 minutes of the film he’s wearing a pair of f*cking white stained pyjamas!

Oh and the green blood/goo coming out of his mouth at the end, is he really supposed to be a mutant? Because it sure looks like they want you to think that, what with his f*cking flipper hands and green blood whilst emerging from the water, it's like the reveal shot from a 50's B-Movie...  The Monster from the Green Lagoon.

3.      “Just the Pussy I’m looking for!”

Words don’t describe how much this one line infuriates me, not only is it completely out of character it’s just plain wrong. Don’t get me wrong, the more adult orientated themes in Burtons films are good, comic books haven’t been aimed at Children since the success of Frank Millers The Dark Knight Returns and Watchmen in the 80’s but lines like this are just plain stupid.

4.      Max Shreck

Now this could be both good and bad, because Christopher Walken is a great actor who plays the part well, he doesn’t change up his normal acting style but that’s Walken for you. My gripe with Shreck is they split the Pengiuns character, they went with the mutated penguin man with Devito and put all the savvy evil businessman in Shreck, they also needed someone to aid in their new “origin” for Catwoman but that’s the next point.

Shreck is ok, he has some good scenes and some good lines but he could easily have just been put into the Penguin to make him more interesting and true to the character.

Also, pointing to the plot, why would Shreck put all his effort into getting an ugly little fat bloke the new Mayor of Gotham, I can understand the whole sympathetic vote and the whole press thing with him rescuing the baby in the sewer but did Burton really think that was a good plot point? Or was it just enough to get us to the next part of the “story”.

5.      Catwoman’s Origin and Demise

Let’s get one thing straight right away, I LOVE Michelle Pfeiffer’s Catwoman, she is nothing short of awesome and easily my favourite part of the movie. However, there are still some glaring problems, her origin is somewhat f*cked up and doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

Selina Kyle is a ditsy personal assistant to Shreck, who finds out some dodgy info that could destroy him, so he throws her out of a very, VERY high window, she survives and is then shown to be resurrected by 20 ally cats, who took time out of their busy screwing and fighting agenda to help a dying woman with their death defying powers. She then proceeds to stagger home, to her tragic, single woman’s apartment where she drinks milk in an odd way and makes her new awesome costume. The whole transformation scene is so dark and tragic, it’s a good scene but in a Batman movie? Christ, it’s something you would see in an uncomfortable tragedy. The music, the wailing, the destroying of her previous life, it’s all so sad.

Why did they need to have Kyle pretty much killed and then brought back to life with cat-power to make her the confident jewel thief that we all love in the comics? And why does she decide to go rob stuff instead of getting revenge on Shreck straight away? What’s her goal? What’s her purpose in the film apart from adding sex appeal, a sorta’ love interest for Bruce and giving Burton yet another tragic story for one of his characters?

The scene with Penguin is also complete bollocks, not only are we subjected to constant sexual puns involving the word "pussy" and lube we also have to watch her “clean herself” like a cat and then attempt to eat a f*cking bird… Tim, Catwoman is called that because she’s a cat burglar, why can’t you understand that she doesn’t need to be a f*cking cat?! and The Penguin doesn’t need f*cking flippers?! ARRRGGHHHHH.

Her demise is somewhat uncomfortable. It fits perfectly into Burtons twisted Gotham and it mirrors her origin somewhat but its too odd and out of character, then again Burtons Catwoman is a mentally unhinged but newly confident jewel thief / terrorist / eater of canaries so anything is game I suppose. Watching her lose the rest of her cat-lives is a powerful and it ends with a big bang but it’s too sad and dark, these films should end with heroics not tragedy and sadness.

6.      The Plot (or lack there of)

What is the plot of Returns? We start off with Penguin wanting respect, Shreck wanting power and using Penguin (for some strange reason) to gain that power through sympathy, then Penguin doesn’t want to be mayor, then wants to kill Batman, then he decides he wants to be Moses and kill the first born sons of Gotham because he’s parents didn’t want a mutant baby, intertwined with Catwoman stealing stuff and blackmailing Shreck instead of murdering the bastard.

It’s all so bitty, Shreck goes missing after the botched Mayoral attempt and then is shoehorned into the end as Penguin seeks revenge and so we can have the Catwoman reveal and an end to their story whilst Bruce just stands around in Penguins lair. It’s a Batman movie, why isn’t he the centre of attention.

What is Batman part in all this? Not much, he barely has much story except for he is the guy who’s suspicious of Shreck and Penguin, even trusty old Alfred doesn’t buy into Bruce’s suspicions. Most of the time Batman is just the guy who drops in to add a bit of action, he’s portrayal kinda’ reminds me of Nemesis in the Resident Evil games, when the story needs a bit of action lets drop the Bat in and get pulses going for a bit.

There’s no challenge for Batman, in Batman (89) the Joker was a formidable opponent, in Forever he has two villains who can put up a fight, even in Batman & Robin the villains POSE A THREAT (they do… THEY DO!) but what does the Penguin really do? He tries to kill Batman by bugging his car and has a few machine gun umbrellas, oh and an army of Penguins with rockets.

It’s a Batman film where Batman plays a secondary, probably even tertiary character, he doesn’t drive the plot, he’s just a spectator who drops by to tell the naughty people off every now and then. Returns is style over substance x 100000000.

The Good

1.      Cinematography & Atmosphere

If there’s one thing that Burton did well across both of his films is his Gotham, a very old fashioned but modern feel, which sounds as confusing as it looks but it just works. Returns is set at Christmas so Gotham is covered in snow and ice, everything is Black and White and it just looks great and it seems we will have a similar style in The Dark Knight Rises in the Summer.

Another thing I love in Returns and 89 is the use of the Bat Signal, when it shines up in the sky and Keaton’s Wayne immediately reacts, its awesome, it’s Batman and its done to perfection. It’s somewhat cartoony but if I had a gripe with Nolan’s recent films it’s the under-use of the Bat Signal, and even when it’s used it’s just a smudge in the sky.

I can (and do) moan about how its too dark and too tragic but it DOES work in a Batman film, if there is a comic book hero where this theme works its Batman, yes its overdone and yes its too dark and sad at times but Batman films need to have some darkness and mood, that’s where Forever and B&R fell down and its one of Returns defining features, when it doesn’t make you want to cry that is.

2.      Michael Keaton

I’ve always thought that Michael Keaton was and is still the best Bruce Wayne. His version of the character is fantastic, the scenes when he is sitting in the chair of his den or the cave and he is thinking things over are done brilliantly and you feel this is a man tormented by his tragic life without his parents.

As Batman Keaton is ok, not great and not exactly bad, he wasn’t given the script to be a real Batman, his performance in Batman 89 was far more action packed and he did a great job, in Returns he is somewhat diluted, there are some decent action sequences and fist fights but as I mentioned before Batman in the backseat for this movie, Keaton did a good job with the tools he was given.

3.      Catwoman & Batman (Bruce & Selina)

I’ve always loved how in the comics there is always a massive emotional tension between the Bat and Cat, whether it’s flirting, kissing and nearly forming a real relationship (Hush) or full on crotch grabbing (The Long Halloween) it’s always good interaction.

Their rooftop meetings are good in Returns, Catwomans “meow” followed by the explosion in front of Penguin and Batman is a classic scene, it’s a great scene and probably up there as the best in the film.

What is done well in Returns is Catwomans “is she good or is she bad” character development, when she is Selina and in the presence of Bruce she wants to be good and have a relationship with him but due to her new life as Catwoman she doesn’t feel that’s possible. Of course this is the same with Bruce, same as Batman 89 where he grapples with the thought of a relationship with Vicky Vale and his duty as Batman, both actors give realistic and emotionally confused performances and it helps the film.

The scene in Penguins lair at the end when Bruce rips off his cowl and reveals himself as Batman, after he realises that Selina is Catwoman is a powerful scene, offering her the chance for them both to leave their double lives and start fresh for it to mean nothing, it makes the apparent demise of Catwoman even more tragic (which it didn’t bloody need!)

4.      The Ending

I love the ending of Batman Returns, after all the guff in Penguins lair, after all that’s done with and Batman escapes the crumbling ruins and the Penguins have taken their leader off into the sewers to give him... a traditional penguin burial? F*ck knows but when Bruce is being driven by Alfred and he thinks he sees Catwoman in the alleyway, only to find a cat which he takes back to the car with him, Bruce and Alfred exchange Christmas greetings and it’s just... nice!

The music, the cinematography, the acting by Keaton makes his final scene good, even better is the Bat signal going up in the skies of Gotham, Danny Elfmans EPIC tune going full blast and then Catwoman looks up at it in the sky, revealing she survived her electric snog with Shreck and of course leading to the development hell of the Catwoman spin off movie that ended with the abomination that was released with Halle Berry at the helm.

I think that’s enough, this is long enough already but I could probably go on and on, I don’t want to be a moaning fan boy, but that’s exactly what I am and that’s what we do.

It’s only because I am a huge fan of Batman that I get annoyed by the film, it’s common knowledge amongst friends that bringing this film up when out will lead to me lecturing someone on Batman, they don’t want to hear it and I’m getting tired of speaking about it! So lets call this therapy.

Do I own this on DVD? Yes, If I'm channel surfing and its on will I watch? Likely yes. I was too young to see this film at the cinema when it was released, but if it was released in this modern age I probably would have seen it a few times. I suppose that speaks volumes about my fan boyism of all things Batman, hell I saw Batman & Robin 3 times at the cinema, but I blame inexperience and my parents for that...

Batman Returns is a poor film, I don’t rate it much higher than Batman & Robin, I never felt that B&R took itself seriously and I always watched it as a homage to the 60’s television series more than a serious Batman film, I still think that’s pretty obvious.

I suppose it’s a film I love to hate, I don’t want to come across as though I know everything (although I bloody do...) this piece is merely my opinion on why it’s shit. I did try focus on its plus points so at least I'm a fair fanboy.. sort of.

R

Snow Patrol - Fallen Empires Review

Ok, I’ll be honest; I’ve been putting this off for ages. So much so, this review is probably going to end up nearly a quarter the size of what you come to expect/endure.

Kele - The Hunter Review

Ok, I’ll be the first to admit that House and Dance music isn’t my speciality. I really like Daft Punk, I think Example’s ok and I have fond memories of being constantly inhibited when Love is Gone by David Guetta used to be the backing track to a Friday night out.

But that’s where my knowledge ends. Oh sure, I usually roll my eyes when musicians who have spent years crafting their work with guitars, suddenly turn their attentions to the dancefloor with normally disastrous results.

I do however, due to his past (and now current) association with Bloc Party, own and like Kele Okereke’s debut album The Boxer. It was a semi-decent if well trodden solo effort which upped the dance influences from Bloc Party’s last album Intimacy but still kept the same themes that made Bloc Party enduring and likable.

With Bloc Party announcing it’s hiatus concluded; The Hunter is Kele latest (and possibly last) solo release. An EP of material recorded after his solo debut, it’s an interesting collection of ideas that, in my honest opinion, is superior and far, far, more interesting than what was presented on The Boxer.

The key difference between the two is, where The Boxer was heavily influenced by House music; The Hunter's more of a foray into dubstep, big beats, synthpop and at times, more than a passing resemblance to previous Bloc Party tracks.

Opening number What Did I Do is a wonderful transitional piece between the two releases, with lovely vocals from Lucy Taylor, an addictive, thick bassline and, much like Tenderoni, sounds familiar with particular samples but different enough to not invoke plagiarism claims (ala Coldplay).

Follow up track Release Me has a Caribbean, party anthem drum beat, a squeaky synth and anthemic vocals which makes it sound like Flux on speed. There’s more nods to Bloc Party throughout the record; Cable’s Goodbye is like a dubstep interpretation of Blue Light whilst Devotion is dark, encompassing, dramatic and has more than a few nods to Signs (the original, not the single remix with the mouth vaginas in the video).

Despite this; it’s by far the record’s strongest track. It’s vastly different from everything else which has a playful party vibe and instead laments with its heart on its shoulder. It might break the flow of the album but it’s a welcome change and something different from Kele’s solo repertoire.

The record also has a cover of Q Lazarus' Goodbye Horses which is henceforth, the anthem of the 21st century trenchcoat flasher. It’s cleaner and more fun than the original, but still encompasses the ambiguity and strangeness that made the original such an underrated classic.

On the whole; The Hunter is a short and sweet follow-up release to Kele’s decent solo debut. It shows more progression, variety and is far more accessible but it's only fault, like The Boxer; it feels like it’s standing on well trodden ground with Kele’s previous releases with Bloc Party. It's not a bad thing as the themes within songs are always interesting and have far more depth than anything else I've heard in the genre (again, limited knowledge) but at times, they feel like a reinterpretation of older songs which, rather than simple rehashes, simply remind me of songs that have been perfected years ago.

But muddled whining aside; in a time of congested releases for music, The Hunter stands out amongst it’s contemporaries and for fans of his previous work (solo or Bloc), or those who want a decent EP of accessible dubstep and synthpop influenced tracks; it's a great little collection of songs who want some substance with their style.

8/10

H

Florence + the Machine - Ceremonials

Back in 2009, when Lungs was first released, I remember listening with little interest. This might sound strange to listen to something that you're not interested in, but hear me out. See, back in 2008, Florence Welch was a little known artist who I only really knew for a cover of Galaxy of the Lost and that she was previously in Lightspeed Champion (who originally created said song). So, on a random play, I gave her and backing band a listen out of curiosity.

What followed was one of my favourite debut albums. Sure, at a push; it's unashamed pop music, but with the big vocals, quiet moments of despair and louder moments of joy, it was a strange mix of folk meets rock meets 19th century play. I loved it and apparently, so did many others, as the album sold well, had a unusual number of hit singles and cemented the band as big enough for the mainstream, but alternative enough for the hardened music purists.

Ceremonials is Florence and the Machine's follow-up to that likeable entry. It's also their second album which means we put our scrutiny glasses on and have to prepare to categorise this as the "make or break album"...despite the fact Lungs already has several popular singles and as mentioned before, is a fantastic debut.

Fans will be happy to know that Ceremonials is, in short; bigger, grander and more bombastic than it's predecessor. This should have been a given considering it's routes, but it's worth noting.

It opens huge in the form of Only If for a Night, which has, what sounds like electronic drums, harmonious backing vocals in the form of a choir and strings. Ok, from description, minus the beat, it doesn't sound a whole lot different from everything on Lungs, but structure wise, it's a different beast altogether.

It keeps up grandeur with singles Shake It Out; which feature some of Florence's best vocals (and for a band where the lead singer in one the best in the world, it's something special). By far, my personal stand out track What the Water Gave Me has a slow build up, momentum gets critical and, after a quick blemish of fury, the last minute and a half is simply stunning. One of 2011's best songs by far.

It's this momentum that makes the record such an interesting listen. It loses it's flow however with Breaking Down, which sounds a tad too fillerfied and unfortunately, incomplete. Seven Devils, which opens with more than a few similarities to Between Two Lungs' opening pipe, is the most serious song on the record but goes on for a too long and doesn't really go anywhere.

Thankfully, both songs have follow-up's which steer the album back on track. For Breaking Down; it's Lover to Lover. By far the most radio-friendly song on the album with a simple but perfect chorus and a huge, encompassing ending and simple piano chord progression which works well.

For Seven Devils, you get Heartlines, which returns the band to it's rockier routes and has a few similarities to Kiss With a Fist meets Dog Days Are Over; minus it's longer, has a steady, addictive drumbeat and more harmonious vocals for the chorus. It's worth noting that after this, you get Spectrum which, is as close as Ceremonials gets to showcasing an RnB song. Again, the song has a wonderful beat and the harp returns for a more prominent role, which all comes together wonderfully.

The album ends on Leave My Body which, despite being slow in the same vein as Breaking Down, is simple, epic and the perfect closing track for the album. It leads again with the harp, has handclaps and an acoustic guitar bridge before the final chorus which is superb.

It's strange as this month's congested release schedule has spawned a few decent albums, but many albums falter under the weight of their own hype. Despite my expectations, Ceremonials is a wonderful follow-up to a wonderful debut.

Yes; it does sound a tad too familiar and it goes on a tad too long (it clocks in at under an hour and that's if you got the standard version), but, it's still holds an aura of intrigue and uniqueness which is a breath of fresh air in this industry.

It's an album that you'll play from start to finish many times, simply because, there so many wonderful moments to take in it's dark, ghostly beauty. It treads precariously close to greatness, but falters before taking the final steps needed.

But maybe that's what the future holds?

8/10

H

Xenomania '11: Alien Resurrection

You'd think that with, you know, your main heroes dying in one movie without setting up another would kill your franchise. You'd be right, most of the time. But this is Sci-fi! All we need is a half-baked, plot hole filled explanation and bang! We can make that sequel that can re-coup the losses the studio made on the last film...I mean, give the fans the sequel they deserve.

And thus is the only reasons I can think that justify Alien Resurrection's existence.

Even if Alien 3 killed the work of Ridley Scott and James Cameron in their prime, it at least had a somewhat concrete conclusion to the story of Ripley. But this being the late nineties; it's a transitional period between unnecessary sequels to long standing franchises and just before reboots became a safe bet for studios, hence why, Alien Resurrection serves the purpose as both.

It's a sequel because it does carry on from Alien 3, this time set two hundred years after with Ripley cloned from a sample of blood left somewhere in the prison. Although we'll be covering Ripley in her aforementioned section, in short; she's changed a lot.

But anyway, when we sat down and watched this (after being drained by Alien 3), Resurrection, despite being ultimately pointless, plot hole laden and at times, frighteningly stupid, the film returns to the routes Cameron created in Aliens.

The first half an hour, like every other film in the franchise, is used to primarily used to re-establish Ripley's character, her new setting and the secondary protagonists. It also, unlike every other film in franchise; shows the classic Xenomorph's early because, screw it, they can't surprise us anymore so they might as well give the audience some phallic shaped eye-candy.

But the moment the Xenomorph's inevitably escape and cause carnage, the film becomes a dumb action movie. It lacks the subtlety and sense of isolation in the first two (I put this down to lighting because Resurrection is always in bright, huge corridors compared to the dark, tiny ones with the first two).

Also, because it's the late nineties, everyone minus Winona Ryder is an action hero, evoking their inner Van-Damme throughout. To it's credit, I can at least remember who was in this film compared to 3 where describing any of the other characters beyond "prisoner and bald" is an uphill struggle.

By the end, it kinda fails as you don't really enough care if anyone survives (minus Ripley and Call) but it's has a half-decent, if questionably open ending. See, this is where you can regard Resurrection as a reboot (substantial changes to an established character/s, new updated setting and the possibility of further stories), but, as nothing came of this, the franchise now ends on a strange cliffhanger with no real closure, which can be frustrating.

But what's really frustrating is the lack of scares. Even Alien 3, in all it's terribleness and boredom, did have a few, minor jumps. Even Aliens, the film Resurrection tries to emulate and what replaced Scott's ongoing horror, is still more terrifying than most horror movies.

Resurrection however, never escapes it's foundations as a pure action film. It has a few visually striking and disturbing moments, but its more intrigue than scary. You can argue that, after two decades, it'd be impossible to make the film's antagonists scary, but, this is a franchise with the most disturbing species in cinematic history, so I put this down to direction.

It's a fun b-movie but nothing more. It remains in the shadows of the first two films but can stand proud against 3 and ultimately, maybe that was the whole point...if you ignore the opening paragraph...and the idea that it's a reboot.

...Yay!

Ripley's Believe It or Not: If Resurrection does one thing, above all else, it gives Ripley new direction and motive, which depending on how you like the idea of further sequels, will depend on your enjoyment of the new Ripley.

After sacrificing herself for the greater good, the space government (as the original company was bought out by Walmart...moving on) clones Ripley to extract a clone of the Queen inside of her during Alien 3. Because of plot convenience, Ripley has genetic memories (think Assassin's Creed) but also, because of the cloning process, her genes have been spliced with the Xenomorph. So now she has acidic blood, heightened reflexes (backwards three point shot anyone?), increased strength, can sense nearby aliens and also has a motherly bond with the hybrid offspring

This isn't however the biggest change to her character. Because of said cloning process, most of her memories remain, but ones like Newt's name are gone. She also spends of the film in this part veteran survivor, part stoned off her tits with strange mannerisms. She constantly tells the other protagonists they are doomed to die, but remains confident of her own survival (then again, after three films, you'd have to be a tad confident at your chances).

She spends the most amount of time with Call. Call originally wants to kill her but this changes when the Xenomorph's escape. They spend the remainder of the time bonding before Call is apparently shot dead and returns ten minutes later, relatively unharmed, revealing herself as an android.

It's here where the film either has a stroke of genius or it's a plain coincidence. See, surprisingly, you could view this as the natural development of Ripley's character arc concerning androids. With Ash going haywire in the first film, she learns to trust Bishop in Aliens, even if it's right at the end and in Alien 3, albeit briefly, she searches for him and then grants his wish to die when it becomes apparent he can serve no further use.

In Resurrection; Call serves as Newt, if she lived long enough to grow up. Before her reveal, she seems headstrong but vulnerable and plays the daughter role to Ripley. With the reveal, it shows how far Ripley has come from the Aliens concerning androids, where Call's true identity doesn't really change anything with them and if anything, Call's abilities become incredibly useful to the group when it's out in the open, rather than hidden.

But despite these fleeting moments; Ripley is a whole new character. The scene with her discovering her botched clones (which is so good, it's been parodied twice on South Park) is disturbing, but in the context of her character, doesn't really make sense. It's never referenced again afterwards and just seems to be to show the depravity of the government; which is only touched upon in the first act and after the Xenomorph's attack, are only channelled through Dr. Wren.

Although it's nice to see Ripley return visually, she's basically a husk of her former self. I'm not a fan of this incarnation of the character and, if there were sequels to Resurrection, I have no idea where'd they'd go from here with her.

Game Over Man!: If the lack of Xenomorph action in Alien 3 annoyed you, then Resurrection more than makes up for it.

We might as well get the most startling developments out the way. Because of the cloning process (was The Jackal in the development for this process?), the Queen inherited traits from Ripley, in this case, a womb. So rather than the penis-like Ovipositor, the Queen posses a womb and vagina, basically doing away with the whole egg-facehugger-chestburster process in the original movies.

The offspring is a horrifying creation that inherits far more human traits than it's regular incarnations. It has pale skin, visible eyes, a human-like mouth, a human-like nose, is emotional and, for reasons not really explained, thinks Ripley is it's Mother.

Also, in an effort to give the hybrid something of a Giger-esq quality, the original had a mix of human genitalia which was edited out post production.

The original Xenomorph's are relatively unchanged minus it's established they are good swimmers and can climb ladders. The behavioural pattern in having hosted carted off and killing in self-defence returns but other behaviours are also revealed.

In the beginning, the government doctors are trying to get the Xenomorph's to understand basic instructions, with the use of pressurised liquid nitrogen. After attacking the glass and being sprayed, they Xenomorph's stop after being threatened. They also, when they escape, reveal they know how to use the button and use it to kill an investigating soldier.

In one final note; the Xenomorph's also plan their escape by killing one of their own and using it's blood to burn through the enclosure. It's a shocking if logical way which establishes the beasts as creative thinkers, rather than mindless killing machines.

Overall: Alien Resurrection is the final entry before the Xenomorph's went off to battle the Predator franchise. Go in with low expectations (or watch Alien 3 before it) and it has a fun b-movie feel to it. It has a lot of great action scenes, some neat ideas and some visually horrifying moments, but it lacks the tension and scares which the original two so fantastic.

On it's own; it's ok, but has been done far better by Cameron and despite all the neat ideas, there's a lot of nonsensical rubbish too and ultimately, is a pointless addition.

Which brings us to an end of Xenomania! '11. We hope you've enjoyed these retrospectives and hope you've had a fun Halloween. Until next time...which will be sometime this week with a review for Florence and the Machine's new album.

...Huzzah!

Xenomania! '11: Alien 3

I once said in the review for Toy Story 3 that film trilogies never work. It can be a combination on plot threads left ultimately unfulfilled, bizarre, outlandish character developments, rehashing the previous entries in the franchise or simply being unjustified in existence.

But rarely can a film encompass all the points above with such spectacularly, terrible results than Alien 3. I mean, holy roman empire, this is bad. When me and Reece sat down to watch this on Saturday; I warned what was to come ahead, but it still came no where close to the actual quality of the film.

In a sentence: How on Earth can a film about a visually striking creature which rapes it's victims to procreate be so mind-numbingly boring?

The answer:

For one thing; all the events of Aliens are basically jettisoned into the vast void of discontinued plot threads, negating them from existence. Warning bells screech in the opening credits when only Sigourney Weaver and Lance Henriksen are mentioned. Then within ten minutes, the film does the unthinkable and says all the previously well established and likeable characters (minus a mangled Bishop) are dead (Newt gets Women in Refrigerator-induced treatment when her corpse has an autopsy for the audience's pleasure...niiiiiicccccceeee!).

So from the offstead, Alien 3 commits the cardinal sin of undoing all the work of the previous film. It's nowhere near as bad as the transition between Highlander and it's first sequel but it's on the same lines.

But this is just the start. The film wholly takes place on a prison planet, where the near thirty, all male inmates are described as "Rapists, murderers and child molesters". So yep, the characters we want to see survive the events unfold are basically irredeemable and aren't worth saving.

The film tries to throw a curveball by showing the inmates have embraced a religious philosophy that's part Harold Camping, part Friar Tuck. This leads to several long-winded scenes with main believer Dillion holding funerals or speeches that basically amount to "We're all screwed, but at least we'll be near God".

See, the main problem with Alien 3 is it tries to combine the tension of the original with the action of Aliens. The action is questionably scaled back to just one, poorly rendered CGI Xenomorph (this time emerging from a dog or an ox in the Director's Cut) which not only looks ridiculous and dated, but also makes the situation less grandeur from the hordes of monsters in the previous film.

The tension meanwhile is non-existant. The main focal point at the start is Ripley having a vagina and the inmates not seeing a woman for years. This is quickly glanced over with the discovery of the alien and then the film tries to evoke the spirit of the original by having an enemy in the shadows which could strike at any time.

This would work if the characters were likeable and engaging minus Ripley and then in the third act, it's discovered Ripley is immune to the Xenomorph's advances, therefore negating any tension in the film to zero and making any events entirely pointless.

It's only the last five minutes that are interesting and even then, it's more of a way to close the franchise off beyond any questionable doubt (more on that irony next time). On the whole, it's a poorly executed result of a poorly executed idea. The film is far, far too long, lacks any remotely likeable characters and the action sequences lack the bombastic thrills of it's predecessor.

And above all else, it's boring. Sleep inducing, soul draining and mind-numbingly boring.

Ripley's Believe It or Not!: Alien 3 is the only film in the franchise that doesn't take place years after it's predecessor and, to it's credit, Ripley is still the level-headed gal we left at the end of Aliens.

The major development in Alien 3 is Ripley being given a queen embryo, therefore making her a walking time bomb but also causing the attacking Xenomorph to completely avoid her (as she puts it "It won't attack it's future").

After this discovery; Ripley becomes suicidal, simply to prevent the Queen from emerging. She hunts down the Xenomorph as a means to die but the beast avoids her. She asks Dillion; a confessed rapist and murderer of women to kill her, but he refuses on the grounds of plot convenience.

By the end, the company arrive and despite the original Bishop's plea to take the creature, she sacrifices herself in molten lead, taking the Queen with her. Naturally, the idea of someone melting would normally finish that character, but this isn't the end of Ripley...to a certain extent.

Game Over Man!: The major change to the Xenomorph in Alien 3 is that it's now quadrupedal (since it's inherited it's parentage from a dog/ox). This basically fully establishes that Xenomorph's take on traits from their hosts (if you didn't already notice the subtle visual hints in the previous film).

Also, the previously established behavioural patterns in having the alien not kill all it's victims but return them to a nest is either retconned, partially forgotten or fully noticed as this Xenomorph basically kills everything it sees.

I'd like to say the latter as there's no Queen and therefore, no nest to return potential hosts hence why it kills everything but I think they just wanted to have the Alien as more of a simple monster, hence why it's probably the former.

Also, as if i've not said it enough, it seems Xenomorph's won't attack those carrying queens. It seems even they have a concept of regicide.

But minus that, there's very little newly stated facts to the Xenomorph's. If it makes you feel better, the next film will have a far more extensive look at behaviour and evolution.

Overall: Alien 3 is bad. Really, really, really bad. It's boring, lacks the tension, horror and terror of the previous two films and is an archetype of how not to do a sequel. It's so bad, it makes the next and final entry on this list look like Citizen Kane.

So join us tomorrow for Citizen Xenomorph!

...

I mean Alien Resurrection.

Xenomania! '11: Aliens

Whilst Alien is an oddity for being the first in a franchise where it's predecessor's are different genre's, James Cameron's sequel Aliens, is an oddity in it's own right for being one of those rare films which surpasses the original in entertainment value.

Rather than induce the slow-burn that Scott had accomplished with the original to create tension; Cameron calls Aliens "Forty miles of bad road". It's over an hour longer, has forty minutes at the beginning to re-establish Ripley as a character and, with the film now fifty-seven years in the future, cover the events to set the stage for the main chunk of the film's story.

Once the film is done explaining the universe, it's basically two hours of pure, unadulterated terror. Rather than tension, the film puts it principle players in scenario's that are practically impossible to survive, constantly. From the opening futile battle in the cooling tower to the film's final moments; it's no-win situation after no-win situation with narrow escapes and brief blemishes of hope.

This is made all the more engaging and captivating with having nearly all of the cast likeable. Whilst the Marines are your stereotypical obnoxious, loud and trigger happy crew (fun fact; Cameron asked everyone to read Starship Troopers before the film. Now watch both back to back and see the similarities), the combination of having them partially endearing and the scenario being so horrible makes you want to see them survive, even if they're main purpose is to up the ante and serve as a body count of the antagonists.

Aliens also brings back the idea of an antagonist in human form; this time in the form of smarmy business folk. From the first few moments where Ripley's entire story on Nostromo being declared mostly fabricated in a business meeting to Carter Burke's utterly horrifying actions on LV-426; Corporate America has never been more cruel (to the point where Ripley wonders which is worse; the Company or an alien race that procreate by raping other species...you be the judge!) and gosh darn it, it's what this film needed!

On the whole; Aliens is practically flawless as an action movie. Although you can argue that it's simply a precursor to the slightly superior Terminator 2 (evil race of antagonists, strong female character, good-if-at-times-morally-questionable robot, strong female character and good-if-at-times-morally-questionable robot defending innocent child and Michael Biehr), Aliens maintains elements that made the original good but changes the overall formula enough to make it not only worthy enough to exist in the universe Scott established, but make it a more thrilling, engaging and enjoyable film.

And just think, this was guy who eventually made Avatar and Titanic! Talk about how times change!

Ripley's Believe It or Not!: Whilst Ripley was basically a lucky if slightly sympathetic survivor in Alien; Aliens is where the Ripley everyone knows and loves comes into fruition. From the opening moments, we discover Ripley's daughter has died in the time she remained in hypersleep. Although she briefly grieves over her loss, the film focuses more on her post-traumatic stress of the events of Alien; including vivid and horrible nightmares in the opening act.

With the proper introduction of Newt in the second act, Ripley plays the motherly role. It's a stroke of genius by Cameron as Ripley is now an archetype that the audience can fully relate to (unless Norman Bates is watching the movie) and embrace.

She comes across as sympathetic, gentle, vulnerable and determined to protect her adopted child compared to the pure working ethic in Alien. Her finest moment in the entire series comes at the end as she storms into the Queen's nest, threatening her children for the sake of one of her own before finally battling her antithesis in a mechsuit to save the others (also stating one of cinema's best lines in the process).

She still retains her logic in the original although again, it's increased for the plot's sake and allowing the audience to project their thoughts to the other characters. She an advisor for the Marines, but even before the opening battle, she's fully aware of the Xenomorph's powers and constantly tells the crew to be more careful. When it all goes belly-up, she takes command for the operation from the C.O to rescue the survivors.

She also has, without sounding like a 'shiper; a strong relationship with Corporal Hicks. It's never really hinted at, but the pair get along well, share the same ideals in terms of operations and he plays up to her stronger character traits (which is made all the more tragic with Alien 3, but that's a point for next time).

Finally, after her violent clash with Ash on the Nostromo, she remains sceptic/vehemently against the use of newer model Bishop throughout the film. In fact, it's only until the film's final moments that Bishop's loyalties are made clear and her character can grow past her previous experience with androids.

Overall; a huge shift in character but necessary, believable and entertaining.

Game Over Man!: Whilst the Xenomorph's here are practically the same as the one in Alien; the social structure and Species hierarchy is revealed in Aliens and in short; Xenomorphs are ants.

It's revealed that a...family of Xenomorph's (I guess)? Anyway, the family has one huge Queen (complete with huge penis-like Ovipositor and egg sac..Giger would be proud!) which lays the eggs (without the need for procreation).

The regular Xenomorph's will then capture hosts, encase them in mucus at the nest (which has to be somewhere hot, in this case a nuclear-powered atmosphere reactor) , ready for the Facehugger to spring out and gestate and then spring out again as a chestburster.

See Aliens, unlike the original cut of Alien and it's sequels, doesn't really show human's dying at the Xenomorph's hands minus self defense. Instead, they kinda take them away screaming and let the next generation inadvertently do it. This also allows events like Newt's capture near the end to make sense and the prospect of saving those captured (although again, Newt is the only one successfully rescued).

And on a slight note, it seems they're capable of reasoning, although primitively. Ripley threatens to torch the entire nest unless she is allowed to go free with Newt and the Queens tells her guards to back off and allow her. They also seem familiar with the concept of revenge as Ripley still torches the nest and the Queen gives chase, ripping off the egg sac and ovipositor in the process...niiiiicccceeeee!

Overall: Aliens is fantastic. It's a film that never loses it's appeal on multiple viewings, has plenty of memorable moments and is a welcome change of pace from the original. If you haven't seen it already, do so, immediately! You'll enjoy it from start to finish.

But like all good things, it has to end and it's kind of ironic that Aliens is the series high; because the next in the franchise is easily the worst. Check back soon as the the series returns to it's singular title with Alien 3.

Altogether now:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Xenomania! '11: Alien

The first Alien is an oddity. I know that sounds rather strange as it’s the first in a line of four movies (or six if you include the atrocious vs. Predator duo) but the original, in comparison with its predecessors; is a straight-up horror film.

Compared to the all guns blazing sequel which would partially carry over into Alien 3 and return entirely for Resurrection, Alien is a film which challenges it’s viewers to delve into an environment of isolation with seemingly no escape, against a foe of disturbing proportions.

This despite the human character’s being barely fleshed out over the half an hour before Kane is impregnated by the Face-Hugger (which leads to possibly the most gruesome screen debut in cinematic history), you generally feel sorry for their circumstances.

This mainly comes down to the crew being a compilation of your everyday, relatable worker rather than say, scientists who basically asking for it (the Nostromo is the equivalent of a tow truck and only landed on planet under direct orders from the unknown company).

Even Ash, who serves as the main human antagonist (although it’s gruesomely revealed he’s an android in the third act), always remains within this inner circle of people to work, but still remains loyal to his employers above all else, something many people will find relatable as the office suck-up.

But of course, the most memorable moments of the film involve the new discoveries of the said Alien. Starting off with killing Kane, it begins life on the ship as more of an unknown pest; small, quick and something seemingly easy to resolve with such a robust crew.

As the film continues, more details of the Alien are revealed and by the end, despite learning so much and witnessing so much death and jumps, we’re still left in the dark on what else this visually stunning and consistently disturbing creature is capable of.

Even at the end, the creature doesn’t die with the hero/heroes standing triumphant of their vanquished foe; instead, Ripley moves from one isolated, contained ship to an even smaller ship and is forced to flush the thing out into space, finds solace in entering hypersleep with her cat and is happy with the prospect of drifting for a number of years.

On the whole, watching Alien today is still an unusual experience. Like all great horror movies, it stands the test of time as the basic formula would still work nowadays. But what holds it back is the lack of mystery.

The film’s success is it’s own curse as the journey through the unknown is gone with the Alien entering public conscience; from the iconic Chestburster all the way to it’s mesmerising decent from the ceiling, it’s been parodied, mentioned in iconic lists and studied, but the introduction to Alien is still a unique experience despite each passing decade.

It’s a well directed, well orchestrated and well acted debut for the Alien Quadrilogy. But the horror elements would be shifted in the years to come in favour more pure terror and adrenaline, beginning with James Cameron’s foray into the franchise and the idea of more people fighting multiple Aliens.

Ripley’s Believe It or Not!: You wouldn’t guess Ellen Ripley would be the human face of the franchise from her original outing. Rather than the guns blazing action hero of Aliens or the unusual entity in Resurrection, Ripley here is a regular worker whose gender means nothing to the overall character (much like everyone on the ship)

She shows logic when Kane is attacked on the planet by wanting him quarantined only for Ash to over turn the decision, she constantly creates idea’s to stop the Alien from wandering around the ship killing crew members, but shows pure, unadulterated fear when the gravity of the situation deepens. Even when she kills Ash, it’s a horrifying murder against an almost unstoppable machine.

Overall; a likable if not too particularly distinctive character. One who would receive more depth with Aliens and Alien 3.

Game Over Man!: The basic lifespan of the Alien (or Xenomorph in future instalments) is revealed in the original film along with several characteristics which would set the foundations for one of sci-fi’s best loved monsters.

Beginning life as a fleshy egg (that would originally resemble a Vagina…yeah Giger is pretty weird), a Facehugger with acidic blood impregnates victim by forcibly entering an embryo down the victim’s throat (so yep, this new born Alien is a rapist too, niiiiiiccccee).

Said Facehugger dies, victim can act normal for a number of hours before the embryo grows enough to burst open out of the victim, killing them. Appropriately titled Chestburster will molt and grow-up fast (the alien grows from a foot to over two metres in a matter of hours in the film).

Newly evolved monster is fast, silent and takes on characteristics from its victim’s species. In this case; an androgynous look with features likes human fingers, walking hunched but on two legs and a lack of sexual organs...minus that phallic looking head (species inheritance would be further explored in Alien 3).

For plot convenience, the Alien has acid blood which can burn through steel (hence the lack of firearms in the film in case of combustion in Space) and displays some intelligence (it follows Ripley to the escape pod for a final showdown rather than remain on the Nostromo’s).

It also has a retractable tongue with a small pair of jaws for double the biting action!

Also in the Director’s cut, the entire life cycle was shown with a cocooned Brett being converted into an Egg and Dallas being used as a host for the eventual Facehugger. This was dropped entirely with the advent of Aliens but in context, creates a disturbing idea that every egg on the Space Jockey’s ship was a victim of a previous attack.

Overall: Horrifying and uneasy viewing with a strong, relatable cast and an introduction to one of most unique and disturbing entities on cinematic history, Ridley Scott’s Alien is a strange, grotesque but enjoyable introduction that paves the way for one of Sci-Fi’s biggest franchises. Up next; Aliens

Coldplay - Mylo Xyloto Review

With the absence of U2 this year, the accolade for “Biggest Band in the World” falls to Alternative rockers/composers of bedwetting music Coldplay. Like U2, Coldplay have polarised opinion in music circles; many love their music for being part easy on the ears, part stadium filling, anthemic rock that’s just alternative enough to avoid the dark pit of pop music and popular enough to garner frequent radio play.

Just as many however hate them for being boring, uninspiring, plain lucky for arriving at a time when Radiohead halved their fanbase and with each album faltering to deliver the endless hype going into it.

Me personally; I really like Coldplay and, like many, I went into the bizarrely titled Mylo Xyloto with high hopes that once again, Chris Martin and his ensemble would deliver something magnificent and awe-inspiring; justifying why they are the biggest band in the world (for this year anyway).

Sadly, this isn’t Coldplay’s year, no matter how much they try.

There’s a fundamental flaw with Mylo Xyloto and it’s made all the more embarrassing with the fact that Martin has stated that Mylo Xyloto is a concept album and that flaw is; the album doesn’t flow very well. The best example that I can think of with similar problems is Muse’s The Resistance (ironically their fifth album too) which tried to fit everything in one neat package, but in the end felt congested and over-indulgent without really having a consistent theme.

It’s the same for Mylo Xyloto which can’t decide if it wants to try and be a respectable, ballad driven record or mindless poppy fun. It starts off loud and proud with real opening number Hurts Like Heaven (there’s a quick intro prior called Mylo Xyloto which may as well have been added to start of this one, but anyway) which, despite being decent, fails to capture the intrigue the song delivered in it’s live iterations.

I loved following track Paradise despite the world joining hands in saying it was atrocious. Here, it fits really well at the start and I still stand by it being great with its infectious chorus, handclap infused bridge and lovely piano outro; even if it’s basically Viva la Vida meets anything U2 threw out during the Zooropa/Pop days.

Stand-out song Charlie Brown is pure insanity-driven fun with loud synths and shouty, sing-a-long moments. Ok, so the shouty, sing-a-long lyrics are non-sensical (even for a Coldplay song), but it’s a stereotypical Coldplay masterclass in making a song built for stadiums. Think Lovers in Japan but bigger and more poppy and you get this wonderful gem.

So from here; I thought I had a decent idea of what to expect from the next ten songs; fun, loud but interesting pop with Eno infused synths to deliver a bombastic package. But Charlie Brown is where the consistency ends and where things get a lot more jumbled.

Us Against the World is the first sign of trouble which decides to go back into a time-machine to the Parachutes/A Rush of Blood to the Headera of intimate, acoustic sounds with some electronic soundscapes. It starts off well but screams out for a big ending but just fades out into nothing.

This intimacy sporadically and frustratingly appears every couple of songs; like the album is taking a breather because it can’t keep going at the same tempo. The best example of this is the transition between U.F.O; a short, sweet but ultimately pointless acoustic interlude which then goes into Princess of China; a middle of the road, synthy, fuzzy but ultimately pointless collaboration with Rihanna who doesn’t really offer anything new to the song other than having naturally more feminine vocals than Martin.

While this intimacy has worked and can work on the album with something like Up in Flames, which feels isolated and tragic in it’s piano driven beauty; album closer Up with the Birds is generally poor and doesn’t match the images of future love and intrigue, nor any other closing track on a Coldplay album.

It’s a shame because when it works; Mylo Xyloto is a carnival ride; it’s loud, colourful, evokes a strange sense of happiness and leaves you buzzing. When it doesn’t; it’s like a ghost train which looks amazing from the outside, but when you’re actually on the thing, it keeps stopping and starting until the end and you can’t tell if the missing pieces are supposed to be missing or if someone got confused on the way and hoped no one would notice.

It’s a disappointing, confused and over-indulgent album which can’t decide which direction to go in. It has stand-out tracks but it has more than a fairshare of pointless interludes, mindless filler tracks and ideas which start off well but ultimately go no-where.

It will sell millions, but for the first time since discovering this band, just before X&Y cemented their legacy; I’m in unison with the naysayers:

Do they really deserve it?

6/10

H