But rarely can a film encompass all the points above with such spectacularly, terrible results than Alien 3. I mean, holy roman empire, this is bad. When me and Reece sat down to watch this on Saturday; I warned what was to come ahead, but it still came no where close to the actual quality of the film.
In a sentence: How on Earth can a film about a visually striking creature which rapes it's victims to procreate be so mind-numbingly boring?
The answer:
For one thing; all the events of Aliens are basically jettisoned into the vast void of discontinued plot threads, negating them from existence. Warning bells screech in the opening credits when only Sigourney Weaver and Lance Henriksen are mentioned. Then within ten minutes, the film does the unthinkable and says all the previously well established and likeable characters (minus a mangled Bishop) are dead (Newt gets Women in Refrigerator-induced treatment when her corpse has an autopsy for the audience's pleasure...niiiiiicccccceeee!).
So from the offstead, Alien 3 commits the cardinal sin of undoing all the work of the previous film. It's nowhere near as bad as the transition between Highlander and it's first sequel but it's on the same lines.
But this is just the start. The film wholly takes place on a prison planet, where the near thirty, all male inmates are described as "Rapists, murderers and child molesters". So yep, the characters we want to see survive the events unfold are basically irredeemable and aren't worth saving.
The film tries to throw a curveball by showing the inmates have embraced a religious philosophy that's part Harold Camping, part Friar Tuck. This leads to several long-winded scenes with main believer Dillion holding funerals or speeches that basically amount to "We're all screwed, but at least we'll be near God".
See, the main problem with Alien 3 is it tries to combine the tension of the original with the action of Aliens. The action is questionably scaled back to just one, poorly rendered CGI Xenomorph (this time emerging from a dog or an ox in the Director's Cut) which not only looks ridiculous and dated, but also makes the situation less grandeur from the hordes of monsters in the previous film.
The tension meanwhile is non-existant. The main focal point at the start is Ripley having a vagina and the inmates not seeing a woman for years. This is quickly glanced over with the discovery of the alien and then the film tries to evoke the spirit of the original by having an enemy in the shadows which could strike at any time.
This would work if the characters were likeable and engaging minus Ripley and then in the third act, it's discovered Ripley is immune to the Xenomorph's advances, therefore negating any tension in the film to zero and making any events entirely pointless.
It's only the last five minutes that are interesting and even then, it's more of a way to close the franchise off beyond any questionable doubt (more on that irony next time). On the whole, it's a poorly executed result of a poorly executed idea. The film is far, far too long, lacks any remotely likeable characters and the action sequences lack the bombastic thrills of it's predecessor.
And above all else, it's boring. Sleep inducing, soul draining and mind-numbingly boring.
Ripley's Believe It or Not!: Alien 3 is the only film in the franchise that doesn't take place years after it's predecessor and, to it's credit, Ripley is still the level-headed gal we left at the end of Aliens.
The major development in Alien 3 is Ripley being given a queen embryo, therefore making her a walking time bomb but also causing the attacking Xenomorph to completely avoid her (as she puts it "It won't attack it's future").
After this discovery; Ripley becomes suicidal, simply to prevent the Queen from emerging. She hunts down the Xenomorph as a means to die but the beast avoids her. She asks Dillion; a confessed rapist and murderer of women to kill her, but he refuses on the grounds of plot convenience.
By the end, the company arrive and despite the original Bishop's plea to take the creature, she sacrifices herself in molten lead, taking the Queen with her. Naturally, the idea of someone melting would normally finish that character, but this isn't the end of Ripley...to a certain extent.
Game Over Man!: The major change to the Xenomorph in Alien 3 is that it's now quadrupedal (since it's inherited it's parentage from a dog/ox). This basically fully establishes that Xenomorph's take on traits from their hosts (if you didn't already notice the subtle visual hints in the previous film).
Also, the previously established behavioural patterns in having the alien not kill all it's victims but return them to a nest is either retconned, partially forgotten or fully noticed as this Xenomorph basically kills everything it sees.
I'd like to say the latter as there's no Queen and therefore, no nest to return potential hosts hence why it kills everything but I think they just wanted to have the Alien as more of a simple monster, hence why it's probably the former.
Also, as if i've not said it enough, it seems Xenomorph's won't attack those carrying queens. It seems even they have a concept of regicide.
But minus that, there's very little newly stated facts to the Xenomorph's. If it makes you feel better, the next film will have a far more extensive look at behaviour and evolution.
Overall: Alien 3 is bad. Really, really, really bad. It's boring, lacks the tension, horror and terror of the previous two films and is an archetype of how not to do a sequel. It's so bad, it makes the next and final entry on this list look like Citizen Kane.
So join us tomorrow for Citizen Xenomorph!
...
I mean Alien Resurrection.
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